Hey everyone,

Today for the Blogathon I will be blogging 24 hours to raise funds for Up With People, the group I travelled with last year and volunteered for this April (and the reason for the LJ).

I will be blogging over at my alternative education blog, EducateDeviate but I'll post updates here and in my personal LJ, divabat.

I still need sponsors, so please:

Sponsor Me!

There are very interesting incentives if you sponsor. Find out what they are... ;)

Thanks for your support and see you in about 12 hours or so!

Hey everyone,

Yes I'm back in Malaysia, been back for a long while. I'm not sure if I've written already, but:

* The BOG meeting was very interesting, and very intense too. Took quite a long while for them to decide what to do with all the scholarship money!

* The BBQ went well though I was a bit overdressed for the occassion. I've started a tradition of wearing a red top and a black skirt to the last UWP party. But it was fun...got to meet some great people.

* Gaby looks uber-HOT with his new haircut. Yum.

* I miss them all!

Mainly, I am here to post this:



Keep in touch people!

YAY DENVER PHOTOS!

142 of 'em, so make sure you look through All Photos.

Tagging and describing them is proving to be quite a process, so if you have any questions about a particular photo, feel free to ask.

I'm back in Malaysia, after an AMAZING two weeks in Denver. I wish I was still there really; being in that atmosphere has strengthened my resolve to be more involved with them in the near future.

I am still so MASSIVELY jetlagged. And Maxis is not letting me online, what the hell?

Going to help JC out with some things soon, so yay! Man I miss them all. They were great. It feels like I popped by for a bit on an alternate dimension and now I have to return...

Is there a way I can just stay in that alternative dimension indefinitely?

edit: Two things.

1. It's apparently snowing there. What the heck?! It was WARM (well, by their standards) when we were there. Strange!

2. Some of you were concerned about my "what the hell am I doing here?!" remark in a previous entry. Let me clarify. It's not "what the hell am I doing HERE", because I absolutely LOVE it all, but more "what the hell am *I* doing here", as in why am I amongst all these supremely talented people. They accepted anyone that applied (and lost 50% of the applicants that way because they disappeared), so I was feeling rather inferior, but I am rather pleased with how quickly everything just came together. Sometimes the best does come out of adversity.

And hey, if you're from the UWP office and you're reading this; please drop me a line! I'd love to hear from you.

Our Preview show was AWESOME. Brilliant brilliant brilliant.

It's kind of sad that it ended. It feels like being in a trance, not realizing that we DID the show until it's over. But wow oh wow.

I need to rest - I have a Board of Governors' meeting in 8 hours!

Hi Tiara and Silva,

I'd like to formally offer both of you the position of 2004-10 Era Rep on the UWPIAA board of governors. I still want to talk to Scott Reeder when I'm in Denver this weekend to see if he'd like to also be on the Era Rep committee for 04-10. We would like Tiara to be chairperson of the committee, and Silva and hopefully Scott as committee members.

Please let me know if you both will accept the position. Tiara, since you're in Denver, I'd like to sit down with you to talk about some of the logistics of this new plan, as well as some of the concerns and ideas that the board members expressed when we voted. Silva, after I talk to Tiara and we make some decisions (provided, of course, that you both accept!), then we'll report to you with as many details as we come up with.

Tiara, if you accept, you would be a full board member at our meetings on Friday and Saturday with full voting privileges. I look forward to meeting you tomorrow (good luck with the show!!), and Silva, I hope to meet you soon -- perhaps this fall, if our BOG meeting is in Europe as we hope!

Best regards,
Sheila

!!!!!

Yesterday we were at Teikyo Loretto Heights - Gaby came by to pick me up. He gave me his iBook, with a Google Earth route, and I ended up being his GPS system.

It was SO COLD. The wind was very chilly - and that had to be the day that I wore my tanktop instead. Oh brr! There weren't a lot of breakfast options - it had ended the moment we arrived. Oh well, there was always cereal.

Rehearsals went ok...things are coming together. And apparently I have my makeup on right, woo! I got fed up of all the brown so I added a little bit of blue, since I'm all blue-based anyway.

I lost Nanu's bracelet! Possibly in the school. Oh dear.

The school project went OK...the kids were nuts but otherwise fun. Even befriended some of the kids. It was funny when we did the minishow and when "Malaysia" was announced I got the loudest response, ha!

Gaby couldn't send me home last night, and the Eastments had left, so Nina and DeeAnn sent me back instead. And I got them lost! The directions, which should be reversed, weren't; so we went to the other side of town instead. Oh dear. At least we got home safe.

Today - dress rehearsal! Pretty much like a proper show, really. Hope it goes well.

So we just had our Costume Fitting - basically bringing all the clothes you brought to Denver and getting Lori to pick out the best ones for you. I bought a gazillion things for this show, and my show costume turns out to be something I already have - a turquoise fatwa (imagine a Punjabi top) and my llovely black pantsm with a turquiose necklace and bangles. Lori did say I have great stuff so someone might be borrowing things off me - my black halter-ish top got passed around a few times!

I also got tips on what makeup colours suit me (shades of brown) so hopefully I can make myself look spiffy! I wear makeup like, almost never, so this will be quite a challenge.

We got off early - neither the Eastmans nor Gaby (who rescued me two days ago when the Eastmans disappeared) could send me home, so I just walked to Market Street Station and caught the bus. I missed the first one by a minute (I was having dinner) so walked around for a bit. Saw horse-drawn carriages - so pretty! But so noisy, ha!

I was craving hot chocolate, but everything else was closed and my past experiences with Starbucks (which was open) weren't too good - they don't have the best hot cocoa. However, I was getting desperate, so I bought one...and the person in front of me had a gazillion orders. And my bus was coming in minutes. Thankfully I got my tall hot chocolate - and it was better than last time actually!

I had the bus all to myself the whole time. Pretty interesting!

Today is Easter! My host family isn't doing anything, except for their son coming over for dinner tonight. We'll probably spend some time over at Barnes & Noble ("The Library"). I have my first Easter basket - a mug with giant Easter cookies on sticks. Yay!

Tomorrow - service project for Stand For Peace (UWP's educational portion) in the morning. I hope I can make it there on time.

So my first week here is nearly over!

The Road Staff people have been announced. Gaby, Danni (ooh!), Tom (most likely with the job I was looking for), Melissa (with the job I apparently should have applied for), Eduardo, DeeAnn, Kristen (in our cast). Plus some other people. Surprisingly no Nina (is she stopping? oh dear) and no Ana, whom I know wanted to continue on as well.

My volunteering time at the office is over! They're not open on Saturdays and next week onwards we have full day rehearsals and activities, and the venue's further away so I won't be able to make it then. I'm really missing the office...it was a great atmosphere, people are awesome, the job's interesting, and it's just brilliant. You can really feel the spirit.

Going back to [V] now will suck terribly - thank goodness my contract is nearly over!

I have concucted a harebrained scheme to get back with the UWP people:

1. Apply for advance standing in uni, citing my gazillion experiences
2. Get a year shaved off
3. Do a year
4. Claim my 2nd ("3rd") year as my "study abroad year" (I believe they have that option) and travel on UWP as road staff for at least a year starting July 07 - thereby reuniting me with Zeljka and Victor
5. Graduate
6. Continue on with UWP until I just can't anymore

Of course, none of these would work if the first option falls through, unless I can claim the second year proper as study abroad (that would be interesting. "Hey, will work for you for a year, then need to go and finish uni up! But I'll be back!") or if someone can sponsor me fully as a student (They'd appreciate that) or if something better comes along. Heck, I'm fine with photocopy duty.

Speaking of which. GABY'S HERE! Still looking the same as ever, though he's going to cut off his trademark ponytail too - he's gonna be unrecognizable! He gave me a ride home tonight, since my original ride disappeared - so great to see him again and have time with him.

It'd be great to spend some one-on-one time with everyone outside of work; everyone's so freaking busy! I'd especially like to talk to Nina and just find out what her future plans are. We seem to have similar starting points. She left uni after a semester or so because for her it was a waste of time...she joined UWP the same age I did...she's been continuing long. Then again, she is also more German than I am and also far more talented (dacing comes as naturally to her as breathing does to most people - though they get breathless when they watch her dance. At least I do.) but huzzah different perspectives.

She's cool. Gaby's cool. They're all cool. I adore them so!

Tomorrow - costume fittings! My Indian ghagra outfit fits perfectly with the whole Moroccan/Middle Eastern bit they have, but I can't change from that into salsa clothes in time. Unless I wear two layers and hide one under the other, or something. Ha.

Pat's kompang has become loose and it sounds weird. Does anyone know how to fix a kompang?

So Bob and I talked this morning about why I wasn't in the Road Staff this time around.

A few things:

1. I applied for the second-most competitive position; I was up against 12 people.

2. I stood out strongly in terms of diversity and giving another perspective - well, that was obvious.

3. I seem to have strong skills in data management and productivity (I get things done quickly, apparently), and I would have been a good choice in Logistics. I was initially considering that, but I barely had any (if even) logistical experience - coordinating things, organizing, so on - while my communications experience was boundless.

4. What made me lose out was that my communications skills were a step lower than many other candidates. In particular were two issues: I tend to come off very strongly, and while I have very strong observancy skills (a plus point), that also got perceived as a case of "busybodyness" - people would take my observing as spying or eavesdropping on them.

5. Those two aren't exactly something I can actually practice in the concrete sense - "write ten pages a day" type of thing. They're not a hard skill. They're soft skills, which come in different ways.

6. I can be angry at him if I want, I have that much permission. But he's way too charming.

Announcements over who got picked will be made soon. I am still disappointed, but at least I learnt something (the Logistics thing was news; damnit I should have followed my gut and applied for both!) and hey, there's always next year.

Speaking of which. Being in the Preview Cast has really thrown me out of the loop as far as "what shall I do next" is concerned - AGAIN. Even before I came here, even before I got word on Road Staff, I was really iffy about the second choice: uni in Australia.

The only reason I'm even going is because I apparently made a random promise to my dad before I left for WorldSmart last year that I'd go to uni eventually. Never mind that this promise sounds completely out of character for me (I'm the resident alternative-education activist, for crying out loud) but I didn't want to get into an argument. I suppose part of me was hoping the Road Staff job would save me from that predicament and give me an excuse to do something else.

I'm not interested in staying on longer with [V]. It wasn't what I expected, it doesn't jive with my values, and it's not a growing experience much longer. Staying there would only affect me negatively in the long run - sure, you learn quite a bit of things as far as media production is concerned, but how beneficial can constant exposure to fame and fashion and celebrity be? Even walking down the street to work is stressful.

Whereas here, even with jetlag and exhaustion and nausea, I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and content. Yeah sure there are times where I'm feeling a bit lonely (my temporary cubicle is somewhere at the back of the office) and there are times I wonder "what the hell am I doing here??" (especially with regards to the performing; dance moves are HARD.) but otherwise, it's such a warm and open atmosphere, so much more laidback and not "up themselves". The people are fantastic, the office is warm and airy, there's always fun stuff around - ringing Thai bells when there's a deposit payment, random stuff on whiteboards, so on - and it makes you smile.

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Mum had a point when she mentioned that I'd probably have a "commitment problem" - what if I go to uni for a year, or less, and then get the UWP job and never leave? It's a pretty accurate scenario. (As far as I can tell, Zeljka and Victor are most likely coming in July 07, so that'd be rather ironic if we all ended up reuniting next year!) If I get the job, that's it man...I'm outta here. It's a much more growing experience, and while it is tough, it is so worth it. But is QUT going to be that flexible and say "hey, do this and get credit from us"? Would they even let me? Would they understand?

And y'know, there's no guarantee that it'd be the same people again. Bob and Anke probably won't leave that early, but they're not travelling. Nina's probably taking a break. Rob already is. Who knows aabout the rest. What if it's completely different people and the atmosphere isn't there anymore? That's what happened to Channel [V]; it wasn't what it used to be, the people all changed, and now it's all weird.

It's hard when you find something that really makes your heart sing, but can't have it sing for as much as you wanted. Everything else pales in comparison. Even new things you try that you think will be just as fulfilling don't quite work out that way. It's like finding your path in life but being forced to take a detour into who knows where.

I can say, "let's see what happens", but that's not entirely helpful most of the time.

In other things:

Right now I am going through a bit of performance anxiety. I still haven't figured out half of the steps to "Keep The Beat", I look extremely self-conscious (and so not the required "sexy") in "Oye El Boom", and there's this new move in "Go Daddy Oh" that I still haven't quite got the hang of it yet. At least the songs i'm doing OK on, and Pat's kompang is getting a lot of use. However, if I can't get these dances right, I might just blow the whole thing. And I'm up against a whole bunch of people with tons more experience and skill than I do.

Part of me is wondering why the heck Nina even chose me to come here anyway. I was expecting to be rejected for PreStaging but be accepted for Road Staff. And yet the opposite happens. And if Nina, of all people, chose me to be here, it means I must have some sort of skill in SOMETHING - but what? Why am I not getting it?

I would like to talk to Nina about it, and she did tell us to tell her if we're not feeling too good. However, she's the busiest queen bee of this whole production and it's hard enough to find her for a SECOND. So what do I do?

It's funny: I have slack days at uni or work and I'm like "eh, whatever". I have slack days here and I'm like "OH MY GOD I HOPE I DON'T MESS UP ARGH". It's like the work here matters more to me.

Which it does, actually.

So, dearest people, what shall I do?